So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I intend to get homeless drunk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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