i don't like sucking hair
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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