and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
