I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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