I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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