Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
honey bunches of taint.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
