i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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