Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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