Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
