..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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