GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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