i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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