at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
