and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
