Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
