so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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