Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
