your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
