the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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