He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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