Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
