So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
