So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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