I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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