I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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