Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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