Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
