So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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