Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
