I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
