I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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