btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
