I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
