you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
