Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
