We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
