I want to make a zoo with you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
