Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize