I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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