these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
