I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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