fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
