I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
