While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
