i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
