Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Enjoy the penises
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
