she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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