I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
