i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
