and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
