Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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