You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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