I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
