He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
