So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
