P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
