I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
