peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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