You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
