respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
