Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
