By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
