Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
