Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We don't watch enough power rangers
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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