This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize