Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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