This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
