Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
should my penis look like a turkey
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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