I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
