a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
