I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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