and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
